Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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