just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
