DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
