call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I am naked and annoyed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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