There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
