That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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