i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
