Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
