wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
