Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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