A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need a beard to bite.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
