Pappa wants mamma naked
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize