My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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