Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
