Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just high enough for therapy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
