So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
