my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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