i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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