if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
