You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
