I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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