You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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