Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
