i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
