I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
