I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am one with the molecules
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
