where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
