Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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