and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
