I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Be still, my beating vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
