He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
