it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
