dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
