did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
