Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
