We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
