I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
