STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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