I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
