Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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