we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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