Do you still have your period?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
