Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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