i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
