So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
