Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
