White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize