I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
