im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
