Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
