Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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