Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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