I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
