Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
