Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
