This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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