I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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