He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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