I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
