Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
