he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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