Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize