I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So much rum. So many feels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
