I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
