You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
