Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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