Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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