someone threw a dead crab at me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
