I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
