You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
