Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
