Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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