Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
