You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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