He had one of those small greek statue penises
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
