so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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