i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
