found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
