your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
