im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Drunk is not a location!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
