Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
