We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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