I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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