turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
