yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
