how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
