at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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