I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
