Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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