it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
