I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
