you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
