i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
