I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize